So… Have You Set A Date? Part 4

I went dress shopping for the first time on Oct 12, 2014. It was interesting.

My sister found a wedding showcase event on Groupon or LivingSocial, so I decided to use it as an opportunity to finally “ask” my bridesmaids to be my bridesmaids, and maybe try dress shopping for fun.

The event itself was small, and not note-worthy. I think we were in and out within 30 minutes at The Knotts Berry Farm Hotel. My gifts on the other hand, were in my opinion, beautiful haha. I purchased wooden crates from Michael’s, which my fiance sanded down. I filled them with things like a blue mason jar filled with some Cookie Butter chocolate cups, paint swatches of the colors for the bridesmaid dresses, mini beauty products, and a personalized hankerchief with each bridesmaid name on it and a “Will you be my…?”

Ok, back to dress shopping. I booked an appointment at Mariposa Bridal Boutique in Anaheim, and was pretty pleased with the experience. Great selection of affordable and gorgeous dresses, and beautiful salon. 

I’m not sure if “Say Yes To The Dress” ruined me, or if it was because it was my first appointment, but I’m pretty sure I still haven’t found the dress. I know I won’t cry.. that’s just weird to me. But, I probably will be really excited and break out in sweat if I do find the right one. It was just surreal trying on dresses, and not really knowing what the right reaction was supposed to be. Which as I’m writing this, makes me realize dress shopping is similar to your first serious relationship as a teen. How do you know you’ve fallen in love and it’s the real thing? What if you change your mind, but realize you can’t break up with the dress because you’ve already placed a deposit and the breakup will end up really messy?

So, although I found pretty decent options, I’m just going to keep looking because my heart hasn’t skipped a beat yet. Now I’m scared I won’t find “the one” and I’ll never “fall in love” ….. with the wedding dress I’m supposed to wear next September 2015. It’s a little stressful, and it also makes me rethink how important a dress really is in the bigger scheme of things—something I would’ve never second guessed a year ago. I always thought it was SUPER important to find the right dress. But if you don’t, do you just settle for “meh” and focus on other things like favors and flowers?

"Your future is set forever." The pre-my-bff-just-got-engaged-surprise-dinner car #selfie.

"Your future is set forever." The pre-my-bff-just-got-engaged-surprise-dinner car #selfie.

Cracking

I guess I’ve finally reached that age where you realize ….

1. you’re not making as much as you think are you,

and

2. you’re not as wise as you thought you were.

A year out from the wedding, and it’s finally hit me: I’ve done a shitty job of saving money. I hid behind the excuse “Oh it’s more than a year out, I have plenty of time to save.” But, as some may know, I’m horrible at math and great at spending. With a little less than a year left to go, I’ve done the math and I’m scrambling to save every penny I can. It’s hard to accept I might actually go into major debt just to have a party for one day.

For the last 2 weeks, debt has just been on my mind all day long. I keep toying with the idea of picking up some side gig, but not sure if I’m mentally ready for the stress that comes with working full-time AND part-time. I know other people who are strong enough to do it, just not sure if I’m one of them.

With every fan that’s left on, or piece of bad food thrown out, I literally see dollar signs leaving my wallet. How the heck am I supposed to save up for a wedding, pay for health insurance, and put money aside for a retirement plan? I’m trying to get creative and spend less, but sometimes I feel like it’s pointless and my efforts aren’t doing anything.

Another thing that keeps me up at night: wondering if I know what’s really going on in my life. It’s ridiculous, but asking yourself to believe and trust in something or someone IS a lot to ask of someone. I did not understand the gravity of such a request until recently. Yes I was really scared to let go, and trust other people, but I got over it because I thought, “well, it’s not costing me anything to trust someone. Yeah, my pride, and heart might get affected, but I’ll bounce back because I’m strong!”

So you go and start these relationships with people, and you understand the trivial matters that accompany the phrase, “there will be ups and downs, but you can always lean on someone for support” until things start to unravel.. stuff you thought you had the answer to no longer make sense. You start to wonder if the person you’ve become is who you want to be. Everything you say and do gets over analyzed. The over analyzation and rationalization kills me. 10 years ago, I would’ve just led with my emotions. Been completely selfish and immature. Now, I’m picking and poking at every thought, and wondering, “Am I being unfair? Am I being too quick to judge because of how this will affect ME?” The over analyzation causes me to keep everything in because I don’t know the answer. If I don’t know the answer, then how do I respond to situations? I don’t. I keep it inside… brewing like a (insert horrible cauldron/boiling water analogy here) of anger, confusion, betrayal, disgust, and sadness. 

How did our parents hide the complexities of maturity so well from us?

#HurricaneShane happy birthday to my love! #pizzamonster

#HurricaneShane happy birthday to my love! #pizzamonster

Really feeling Big Data - “Dangerous (feat. Joywave)”

#MarieAntoinette #selfies for days.

#MarieAntoinette #selfies for days.

#MarieAntoinette realness for Claire’s bridal shower. Let them eat cake! 🍰

#MarieAntoinette realness for Claire’s bridal shower. Let them eat cake! 🍰

The adventures of the Huynh sisters. #lajolla #sandiego #scrippspier #summertimehappiness

The adventures of the Huynh sisters. #lajolla #sandiego #scrippspier #summertimehappiness